Fun

Greek Jokes and One Liners

Tired of hearing the same old Greek jokes again and again? Take a look at this collection of Greek jokes and one liners put together by Greek Boston and you’re sure to find something that will make you smile, giggle, or fall out of your seat laughing! Feel free to use these Greek jokes at your next family reunion, Easter dinner, church festival, or anytime you are hanging out with other Greeks who love to laugh at themselves.


“No FOBs” Song…

“No FOB” Parody of ”No Scrubs” by TLC

A FOB is a guy who thinks he’s fly
Also known as a malaka
With garlic breath and slicked back hair
He thinks that he’s God’s gift

So (no) I don’t want to touch you (no)
your accent doesn’t turn me on and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere and (no)
speedo’s aren’t the bomb (no)

CHORUS I don’t want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can’t get no feta from me
Riding on his donkey’s backside
With enough olives
To feed a whole army

I don’t want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can’t get no feta from me
Hanging in the kafeneio
With the geraki
Playing with his kobolaki

And now a FOB is trying to chat with me
He’s typing in Greek
And you know that’s really annoying
With the “Ti kaneis koukla;” and “Ti foras”;
He’s trying to get a piece of online ass

So (no) I don’t want to touch you (no)
your accent doesn’t turn me on and (no)
I don’t want to meet you nowhere and (no)
speedo’s aren’t the bomb (no)

CHORUS I don’t want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can’t get no feta from me
Riding on his donkey’s backside
With enough olives
To feed a whole army

I don’t want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can’t get no feta from me
Hanging in the kafeneio
With the geraki
Playing with his kobolaki

If you have a donkey, start walking
Oh yes FOB, I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your provata
Oh yes FOB, I’m talking to you
If you have a kefalotiri but you don’t make saganaki
Oh yes FOB, I’m talking to you
Wanna get with me, while you’re a sleeze
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)
No FOB No FOB (no no) No FOB (no no no no no)
No FOB (no no) No

“She Wasn’t Greek Enough” Song…

To the beat of Toni Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me

Who do you think i am
dont you know that she wont my woman
cause i chose to let her go,
not enough oregano in her kotopoulo…

She aint got no magazi
or a black infiniti
not enough prika for me
she wasnt greek enough for me

Fere ena nero
kai taise to moro
min mou kanis grinies giati
piso sti mana sou piges
ton kafe den petixeni
kai h mana tis mou mbeni

Don’t wake me up in the afternoon
my siestas more important
there’s still tsimbles in my mati
i’m not gonna leave my krevati

can’t perform vedouzes
or masaz my large patouses
can’t read her mabri mira
out of mini flitzanaki
she wasnt Greek enough for me

3 Greeks & 3 Turks…

3 Greeks and 3 Turks are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the 3 Turks each buy tickets and watch as the 3 Greeks buy only a single ticket. “How are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one Turk. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers one Greek. They all board the train. The Turks take their respective seats but all three Greeks cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Turks saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Turks decide to copy the Greeks on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Greeks don’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed Turk. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers a Greek. When they board the train the 3 Turks cram into a restroom and the 3 Greeks cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Greeks leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Turks are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

A Greek, A Turk And 2 Women Are On A Train…

In a train carriage there were a Greek man, a Turkish man, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Turkish man had a big red slap mark on his cheek. (1) The blonde thought: – “That Turkish idiot wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face”. (2) The fat lady thought: – “This dirty old Turkish man laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him”. (3) The Turkish man thought: – “That stupid Greek man put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me”. (4) The Greek man thought: – “I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack that Turko again”.

An Old Drunk Greek Man Walks In A Bar…

2 guys are at a bar drinking when an old man stumbles in, obviously drunk. He sits next to the men and says to them, “ti mana sou, tin exo gammisi”. The men noticing he is drunk, ignore him and continue their conversation. The drunk interupts them again and says, “ti mana sou, mou exei dosi pipa”. The 2 men still ignore the old man when he again interupts the men and this time says, “ti mana sou, tin exo pari ap’to kolo”. With this, one of the young men gets up and walks up to the old man and says, “patera, exeis piee ligaki, then pas spiti?”

Greek Books by Greek Authors

Bus Safety by Leo Foreo
Automobile Maintenance by Mick Hanicos
Home Electrical Tips by Alek Trologos
Chinese for Greeks by Ken Ezos
Map Reading for Dummies by Olie Hathicame
Reducing Stress by Dan Meniazi
Unemployment Tips by Tam Bellis
Easy BBQ Recipes by Lou Kaniko
Vegetarian Cooking by Mel Inzanes
Killing Time by Perry Meno
Drink Less & Enjoy Life by Al Kaholicos
Journalism by Effie Meritha
Gardening by Lou Louthi
Cooking by Lou Koumathes & Pat Sticho
Hobbies by Tina Kano (not relatead to Tina Kaneis LOL)
Reading & Comprehension by Den Katalaveno
Pencil Making by Mo Levi
Dancing American Indian Style by Chief Tedeli
BBQ Preparation by Sue Vlaki
Disappearing Acts by Anna Hathis
Peace by Irini Pasi
Unwanted Hair Removal by Harry Kolos
Winters by Connie Krio
How to Please a Man by Connie Erota

Greek Divorce

The Greek father calls his son a couple of days before Christmas and says, “Niko, I hate to ruin your day, but I must tell you that your mother and I are divorcing – forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Mba mba, what are you talking about?” Niko screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer, We’re sick of
each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister Toula and let her know.”

Frantic, the son calls Toula, who explodes on the phone.”No way are my loving parents getting divorced!” she shouts.

She calls Dad immediately and screams – - “Patera, you are not getting divorced! Don’t do anything until we get there. I’m calling Niko back and we’ll be there tomorrow. Do you hear me?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Endaxi,”
he says,”they’re coming home for Christmas and paying their own way.”

Greek Guy in the Pharmacy

A Greek guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the Parmacist, “Mou theinete mia asperina”. The pharmacist gives the Greek guy an aspirin and is surprised to see the Greek guy shoving the asperina down his pants. The pharmacist looks at the Greek and asks: “My fine sir, yiati evales tin asperina eki?” The Greek guy replies: “Eixa pae sto kafenio kai enas malakas ekee mou zaleisai ta arxithia mou!!”

Greek To English Dictionary…

SAY IT IN
Proper English… Greek English… Greek

1) No worries… noworis… kanena provlima

2) Hello… allaou… yia

3) I don’t know… eyerono… Pou thes na xero?

4) That’s all right… tsorait… kala

5) Yes… mmm… ame

6) No… mm mm … tsou/oxi re pousti

7) excuse me… eyyyyyyy… re malaka

8) what’s the time please… otsi taim… mazi to exoume to roloi

9) Could I have a glass or water please… wun wota plis… ena nero grigora

10) Could you tell me when the next bus is due?… when caming next bus… miazo yia othigo?

11) Oh blast!… fukyen shit… gamimenoooo

12) Oh well… awell… den gamiete

13) You’re very beautiful… yiou very sexy… ise mounara

14) Would you like to come in for coffee?… yiou fukoffi… ela, pame gia tsimboukia

15) You awful woman… fukyen bits… kariola

16) You’re late… cuman, otsi taim… pou ise re pousti

17) Thank you… thengiou… (No translation found)

18) I’m sorry… skiuped… stravomara

19) You idiot… blar ry inthies… kimismeno

20) I love beautiful woman… be youri ful ngel… m’aresi na gamao

21) You are a disgrace… I kill you… gamiese apo ton ngolo

22) Where are you?… where you are… pou gamiese

Greek-a-LISH

Converted from English, to Greek-a-lish to Greek

1) No worries… noworis… kanena provlima
2) Hello… allaou… yia
3) I don’t know… eyerono… Pou thes na xero?
4) That’s all right… tsorait… kala
5) Yes… mmm… ame
6) No… mm mm … tsou/oxi re pousti
7) excuse me… eyyyyyyy… re malaka
8) what’s the time please… otsi taim… mazi to exoume to roloi
9) Could I have a glass or water please… wun wota plis… ena nero grigora
10) Could you tell me when the next bus is due?… when caming next bus… miazo yia othigo?
11) Oh blast!… fukyen shit… gamimenoooo
12) Oh well… awell… den gamiete
13) You’re very beautiful… yiou very sexy… ise mounara
14) Would you like to come in for coffee?… yiou fukoffi… ela, pame gia tsimboukia
15) You awful woman… fukyen bits… kariola
16) You’re late… cuman, otsi taim… pou ise re pousti
17) Thank you… thengiou… (No translation found)
18) I’m sorry… skiuped… stravomara
19) You idiot… blar ry inthies… kimismeno
20) I love beautiful woman… be youri ful ngel… m’aresi na gamao
21) You are a disgrace… I kill you… gamiese apo ton ngolo
22) Where are you?… where you are… pou gamiese

How To Be An Effective Greek Parent

A quick reference guide of essential remarks you can’t afford not to
make to your children during their formative and adult years.

Re: Going Out:

Pa-a-a-a-li exo tha pas?
Then varethikes to ‘exo’?
Ma esi then horteneis to ‘exo’!
Olo to ‘exo’ skeftese kai tipot’allo!
Kala, i lexi “ohi” then iparhi sto lexilogio sou?
Ehthes then isouna oli mera exo?
Eseis an then ta yirisete ola … tha skasete!
Olo to ‘bye’ ke to ‘goodbye’. Then akoume ke tipot’ allo apo sena!

When being asked for permission to go out:

Then me paretas?
Se parakalo, ase me stin isyhia mou!
Re vale mialo eki pera ke katse hamou!
Ohou, pali ta ithia tha ‘houme?
Re, katse sta avga sou!
Then pas pouthena, m’akous!
Kala, yia toso megalo koroitho me pernas? Les ke then xero pou tha pas!

Words of advice when going out:

Ta matia sou dekatessera!
Prosexe min kanis tipota ke yinoume rezili!
Prosehe to potiri sou, mi sou rixei kaneis kamia stahti!

Reactions to getting home late:

Irthes?
Mori? ti ora ine afti?
Vre pou yirizeis toses ores?
Vre kalos ‘tin!! Pos egine ke mas thimithikes?
Pou yirizete koritsia monaha sas tetia ora?
Kala, then borouses na erthis ligo pio arga?
Olo sta ‘discos’ mou yirizeis?
Spiti then ehis?
Xenothoheio to theoris etho mesa?

Clothes:

Afto to ahristo piyes ke pires?
Vre, then afises tipota sta magazia yia ka’nan allon?
Kala, then to ‘pernes ligo pio kondotero to foustani?
An s’afiso na vgeis exo kai na foras afto to pragma, na me ftiseis!

Friends:

Ahh, aftes i filenades sou se fagane!
Pou tis vrikes teties ‘files’?
Kala, i files sou then ehoune goneis?
An se xanafiso na vgis exo mazi tous, na mou tripisis ti miti!

Studies:

Ta fortosate sto kokora!
Esi pia? ta ‘mathes ola!
Kala, then sas mathenoune tipota s’afta ta ‘blurry’ (bloody) panepistimia?

Housework:

Vre, kane kai kamia thouleia!
Perimenete na sas ta kanoume ola emeis?
Prepi na mathis, allios tha se koroithevi i pethera sou!

Life:

I zoi then ine olo pexe-yelase!
Eseis i neolea ta thelete ola! Alla then einai etsi i zoi!

The use of the family car:

To karo ine ‘orait’ (alright)? [This must be the first question asked of your child upon their return home after using the family car]
To karo mou to kanate ‘vithes’!
Re prosehte!?.Tha mou to xeharvaliasete to karo opos pate!

Taking holidays:

Akous ekei, then prolavame n’arhisoume thouleia ke theloume ‘holiday’ kiolas!
Ola ta ‘holidays’ skeftese ke tipot’ allo?
Vre, emeis irthame me mia valitsa athia, hissame ema kai ithrota na mazepsoume kana frango? oute exo vyename, oute ‘holidays’ piyename? tipota! Emeis then eimaste anthropi? Mono eseis hreiazeste xekourasi. Akous ekei!

Saving money:

Re mazepse kana selini eki pera!
Esi then tha kaneis prokopi pote!
Ma pos tha sou mini kana frango, afou then mazevese katholou sto spiti?

Using others as an example:

Ithes ti kala pethia einai tou ____? Eseis yiati ne min eisaste etsi?
Emena then me niazei ti kanoune i alli! (in response to the child’s use of ‘ta pethia tou ___” as an example)

Food:

Fai pethi mou, fai!
Fagate kala?

Behavior:

Then tha valis mialo pote?
Then drepese ligaki?
San then drepese?
Kita tropous!
Bravo?etsi milane sto patera / sti mana tous?
Re? sovarepsou ligaki!
Re sklirokefalo plasma!
Re xerokefalo!
Re oneiroparmeno!
To mialo sou ke mia lira!
Ta miala sou ehoune pari aera!
Mou kanate to kefali mou bouzouki!
Re, tha me steilete sto ‘Parramatta’ / ‘Botany’ opos pate!
Ti eheis pathei? Mipos pernis ‘drungs’?

General remarks:

To kako sou to kero!
Ti tha lei o kosmos?
Gamo t’??..(insert relevant noun or phrase)
Re, ise sta kala sou?
Ahh?ego ta leo, ego t’ akouo!
Ma esi pia then troyese me tipota!
Ego yia kalo sou s’to leo!
Re, ti aharista eisaste!
Vre as’ ta skata sou!
Ahh, tha se fao! (accompanied by the obligatory biting of the orefinger)

How To Raise A Greek Daughter

1. Never let your daughters spend the night anywhere, except at a fellow Greek’s house.

2. Spend their whole life trying to find them a husband and disapproving of every one they find on their own.

3. Spoil them rotten, but make them feel guilty for it when they ask for something.

4. Fathers – tell them their just like their mothers when you’re mad. Mothers- tell them they have their father’s head when you’re mad.

5. Always compare them to other greek girls (preferably those they can’t stand) when trying to make them do something.

6. Complain that their clothes are too short, too tight, too low cut, too black, too cheap, or not right for church.

7. Brag to your friends about how beautiful and smart they are, but tell them to make their sons to stay away.

8. Press for them to marry a greek man, but then ward them off any Greek man you see them with. “He’s okay, but his mother is crazy.” “His father cleans up goat shit.” “I heard his has a big house but he locks his yiayia downstairs, do you want to marry someone like that?” “No policemen.”

9. Tell them they eat too much or not enough, depending on the situation.

10. Let them run around naked as children, but make them dress like nuns as adults.

11. Complain they spend too much money shopping, and then go out and blow $1000 on a poker game or gambling.

12. Tell them they never keep their car clean enough, even if your vehicle is covered in dust, reeks of smoke, and has empty coffee cups and food crumbs covering the inside.

13. Force them to be nice to people they can’t stand, while you talk about those same people like they are dogs.

14. Have a fit when they use the word ‘malaka’, but use it yourself as if it were going out of style.

15. Let their brothers get away with murder.

16. Embarrass them by getting drunk at name days, Easter, festivals, etc, and then dancing the zembekeiko.

17. Assign a name to all their friends, and use them at inappropriate occasions (i.e. the mavra, the fat one, the ugly one, the dumb one, the slut, the chinese one)

18. Never let them leave the house after 10 O’clock.

19. Force them to go to church, join GOYA, dance in the festival.

20. Tell them “good greek girls don’t behave that way” as many times as possible within a lifetime.

21. Buy them gold jewelry even when you know they only wear silver.

22. Fathers – always leave your shirt unbuttoned at least 3 buttons, exposing chest hair and gold cross, when going anywhere with your daughters.

23. Expect them to know all of the Greek dances – except for the tsiftetelli.

24. Make them believe that Greek women never have sex.

Letter to Koula

Dear Koula.

Why do you kratas moutra me? Afou you know i love you karga… Mexri yesterday we had gamo tis moments don’t moy thn spas twra. What allakse now? You don’t goystareis me anymore? You have found a gomeno mori? I can not believe that there is kanenas like me. Who is the tsoglan you goystareis and what exei more than me? Remember Kitsous de Masaei. Ma giati re koula do you pikreneis me at this dificult moment of my life? Afoy you know i have to mazepso Elies MY FELEK…

I don’t want to koyrasw you but don’t give my nurves giati i’ll give you Shoot.

Mexri kai lessons agglikwn you always wanted ekana to see how much i am kapsoyris with you.

Kisses Kitsos

Olympic Airlines

A guy sitting at an airport bar in Atlanta noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, “Wow, she’s so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?”

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: “Love to fly and it shows?” She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, “Ooh shit, she doesn’t work for Delta”.

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, “Something special in the air?” Once again she gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the United slogan: “I would really love to fly your friendly skies?” This time the woman turned on him. “What the fuck do you want?” she snapped. The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair and said… “Ahhh, Olympic Airways!”

Olympics 2004

1.Cigarette chain smoking marathon
First person to cough up a lung wins!

2.Gathering olives from trees
The Spaniards reckon they can take the Greeks on this one.

3.Long distance spitting
Ftou!

4.Nastiest armpit smell
This event takes place on any Bus in central Athens

5.Thickest moustaki!
Females are welcome to compete too

6.Goat herders’ relay
Bulgaria were disqualified last year because they lost their bell.

7.Tavli
Ask for Kostaki at the kafeneio and don’t eat the sporia

8.Komboloi (worry beads) toss
Both distance and accuracy count for points, double points if you get it
stuck in the klimataria

9.Longest duration wearing the same piece of clothing.
Qualfiers for this event go straight into the final round for event 4

10.Papaki (small motorbike) race to the beach
10 bonus points if you knock over a German backpacker

11.The evil eye stare-down competition
Free xematiasma for anybody who arrives before 10pm

12.Beriba/Xeri playing
Bonus points if you slam the cards down so hard you knock over the bowl of
xerous karpous.

13.Frappe drinking
Bonus points available if you can still look tough and macho with a frappé
in your hand.

Slap in the Dark!

A Greek man, an Albanian man, a Swedish girl and an old Italian woman are traveling on a train that has just entered a dark tunnel. Suddenly they hear a loud slap, and when the train emerges, the Albanian man has a red hand print on his cheek.
He must have groped the Swedish girl, and she slapped him, the Italian woman thinks.
He tried to grope me but fondled the old lady instead, and she slapped him, the Swedish girl decides.
The Greek guy must have groped the blonde, and she slapped me by accident, the Albanian determines.
I can’t wait for another tunnel, the Greek man thinks, so I can smack that Albanian again!

The Official Greek Handbook…

How to be a cool Greek

1. wear clothes of 2 colors, black and white.

2. own a cell phone and use it in at inapropriate times- in church, restaurant, funeral, wedding etc.

3. refer to anyone who’s not Greek disparingly as “xeni” and pity them for not being as cultures and sophisticated as the greeks.

4. have predominantly Greek friends, with a few token “xeni” thrown in for diversity. talk greek when “xeni” are aound

5. dress as though you are headed for a club when you’re actually going to work or class.

6. if you are a Greek woman, stare menacingly at the other women around you, especially if there richer or more attractive than you.

7. if you are a Greek guy, be sure not to bathe to achieve an “earthy” scent, then try to mask it with a lot of cologne; the combination drives babes wild.

8. smoke as if is your last day on earth…and smoke only malboros.

9. travel only in droves of 10 or more , and be as loud as possible at all times.

10. if you’re single, go to all Greek intercollegiate parties and all GOYA conferences, even if you’re 45 years old.

11. if you’re a single Greek over 30, rell everyone you’re in your 20′s, even if you’re pushing 50.

12. if you’re a single Greek gut, tell women you’re a “successful businessman” or that you “own a successful business back in greece” even if you’re an unemployed goat farmer.

13. dirty dance to Greek folk music.

14. wear only “designer” labels, even if you buy them off a cart on a sidewalk in Manhattan.

15. make sure “designer” lables are extremely visible, preferably embroided on the front of the apparel.

16. if you are a Greek guy, walk 10 feet in front of your woman and call her only when you want sex, then go into a deep depression and lament “theft” of your woman when she dumps you for another guy.

17. if you’re a Greek guy, be indifferent and rude to any woman you’re interested in dating, especially if she’s Greek.

18. if you’re a Greek guy, date “xenes” that treat you badly but marry a Greek woman that can treat you badly.

19. if you’re a Greek woman, date “xeni” you can treat badly but marry a Greek guy that treats you badly.

20. wear a leather jacket at all times… even in the summer.

21. tell American aquantances that money is never an object, even if you only have 10 bucks to your name.

22. guys: if you have hair, get it cut every week and use at least 3 different styling products; if you’re bald, develop a big ego to mask your insecurity. (applicable to short men)

23. make sure you install every possible option in your car, even if it is a Yugo.

24. own a sports car, even if its junk.

25. claim to be a devout Orthodox Christian but know nothing about the religion other than the date of your name day.

26. use church as social ground to meet potential dates.

27. if you are a Greek woman, dye your hair an obvious fake shade of blonde that is nonexistant in nature and swear that it’s natural.

28. if you are a Greek american, act like your father was royalty back in Greece but fell into hard times after the 1973 coup.

29. pump Greek music in the hood.

Three Greeks and Three Turks

Three Greeks, Costa, George and Niko as well as three Turks, Melik, Alican and Bora are travelling by train to a conference. At the station, the Turks each buy one ticket and watch as the Greeks buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks Melik. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers Costa. They all board the train. The Turks take their respective seats but all three Greeks cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Turks saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Turks decide to copy the Greeks on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Greeks don’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says Alican. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers Niko.

When they board the train the 3 Turks cram into a restroom and the 3 Greeks cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Greeks leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Turks are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Top 10 Reasons Not To Marry Greek…

Women

Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry a Greek Male

1. Two words – His Mother.

2. Housework and birthing his children isn’t your life ambition.

3. Sometimes you want to have an opinion about something.

4. You hate his mother’s cooking, and that’s all he’ll eat.

5. His brother/cousin/friend/uncle has the hots for you.

6. Spending your wedding night alone while he plays poker isn’t your idea of fun.

7. Your nostrils can’t take the amount of cologne he “splashes” on.

8. You thought “Greek Style” was how green beans and chicken was cooked.

9. Looking at other men isn’t allowed, but he can look at other women.

10. He picks his nose in public.

Men

Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry a Greek Woman

1. One word – “Babaaaaa!” (accompanied by crying)

2. She can’t cook like your mother.

3. Having your children and cleaning your house isn’t fun for her…go figure!

4. The incessant whining of her voice drives you crazy.

5. She always has an opinion about everything.

6. You can’t have sex with her until she’s married, but find out after that she’s slept with your brother and cousin and uncle and friends.

7. One more word – Nagging.

8. Buying new living room furniture every six months isn’t how you want to spend your money.

9. She thinks “Greek Style” is how you cook green beans and chicken.

10. She won’t let you show her what “Greek Style” really is.

Top 20 Reasons This Holiday Will Be Good…

20) new, fat free, cholesterol free, tsourekia

19) xristodoulos will be carding at your local bars

18) olympiakos, and panathinaikos, look good together

17) being drunk and singing in the street is normal.

16) try roasting whole chestnuts (kastana) in microwave

15) nightclubs will be full of greek women with stupid little bags on their backs

14) nightclubs will be full of greek men looking to bump frontal pelvic region into backsides of women with little stupid bags

13) aunt maria has new cheap-ass perfume and will make you so dizzy you will pass out.

12) basilopita depreciation has led to itcontaining euro coins

11) you will repeat; your education, carreer status, financial position, love life, over, and over, and over……(and you will twist the truth slightly, just to piss off some over imposing, nosy bitch of a relative)

10) receiving gifts like “underwear”, “shampoo” and “socks” from complete strangers is normal

9) you will realize this year that there is a correlation between how much money “santa” spends and the amount of “playtime” he gets from mrs claus. (so if you want to hoho ho…….spend that dough)

8) it is the only time of the year you get to hug and kiss all the women around without getting slapped in the face

7) christmas tree lights, wrapping gifts, santa claus, blonde snow bunnies, metaxa 5*, 7*, 9*, (911)

6) in america you will eat galopoula, in greece arni, and in australia….steve the crock hunter sets out for catching another womper….

5) see you next year, ok, see you next year, yeah ok, see you next year….. oh yeah, i am not gonna see you till next year

4) you will go out to the villages, sit in traffic, drive like an impatient asshole and cause many accidents. (watch ant1)

3) matiazma will reach epidemic proportions, with no vaccine except for, ftousou, gggfftttouuu, na mis mas xathis.

2) your parents will circulate pictures of your childhood, including the one with you shitting in public

1) annual poker game, may cause you to jump out the window

Why we’re proud to be Greek

  • Because we are European Champions in football
  • Because we buy whole watermelons and not in slices
  • Because we buy whole lambs and not in pieces
  • Because nights in Greece finish in the morning
  • Because we take our coffee slowly, while smoking and not in “shots”
  • Because flirting is our national hobby
  • Because sex is our national sport
  • Because we always moan about the public sector and everyone seeks to get a job in it
  • Because we are not puritans
  • Because we are not racists
  • Because we go out almost every night even if we are penniless
  • Because we know how to spend better that we know how to save
  • Because we never visit others empty handed
  • Because there is no way to explain to foreigners what is “kapsoura” (burning desire for someone)
  • Because in Greece family is still something valuable
  • Because we do not share the petrol with those we take in our cars
  • Because we always make it, albeit in the last moment
  • Because for the sake of a woman we made war for 10 years (Trojan war)
  • Because we are everywhere around the planet Because we love and hate with passion
  • Because “filotimo” (friend of honor, helping someone because it is a shame not to) doesn’t exist in any other languages
  • Because whenever foreigners cannot find a word, they use one of ours
  • Because we spend our bad and low times with our friends and family not with shrinks
  • Because Socrates, Pluto and Aristotle were Greek
  • Because we invented theatre Because we gave birth to Democracy
  • Because we discovered logic Because we jump started science
  • Because we are proud of our culture, not of our wars
  • Because when others were discovering meat, we already had cholesterol
  • Because when we were building the Parthenon, the others were still sleeping on trees
  • Because we gave the light to all these leaders who are “striving” for peace by making wars
  • Because we can give anything up just to make love
  • Because Hundreds of women travel to Greece every summer just to get laid
  • Because we have a distinction between Eros (falling in love) & Agapi (innocent love), while we feel both passionately
  • Because Eros was a Greek God
  • Because when others used to! be clothed with wolf skin we were weaving see-through linen
  • Because “Greeks do not fight as heroes, heroes fight like Greeks” (Winston Churchill, 1941)
  • Because we don’t use ketchup with our food it tastes good anyway
  • Because we gave our ancient alphabet to the Romans and our Medieval alphabet to the Slavs
  • Because we get angry quickly but we forget all about it even quicker
  • Because we are not ashamed to cry
  • Because we dance when we are sad
  • Because we work to live and we do not live to work
  • Because 97% of the stars’ names are Greek Because although we know danger well, we dare
  • Because when you shout “brother” in the streets everyone turns around
  • Because we always talk about getting in a diet after we had our meal
  • Because we speak loudly and laugh even louder
  • Because we do not know what anxiety is
  • Because we walk in the streets at 2:00 in the morning and there are traffic jams
  • Because we walk in the streets at 4:00 in the morning and there are traffic jams
  • Because girls are not scared to walk alone in the streets at 2:00 or 4:00 o’clock in the morning
  • Because we are direct Because we never report people who cheat
  • Because we always have a solution to problems, even if usually ends up illegal
  • Because we have tendencies to extremity
  • Because our parents do not forget that we exist when we reach 18
  • Because when we want to sunbathe, we go to the beach, we don’t crawl on grass or jump into fountains
  • Because we confront every difficulty with humor
  • Because the Olympic games were born here
  • Because with our (Olympic) light, we unite the world and pass the message of peace
  • Because our sky is blue, not gray
  • Because we have the cleanest seas on the planet
  • Because 40% of Oxford dictionary is made up with Greek words
  • Because we are a poor country with very rich citizens
  • Because we know what “Kefi” (propensity to fun) means
  • Because we like to spend money and eat fish while they are still fresh
  • Because in Greece nobody is hungry Because in Greece nobody is homeless
  • Because we grow hallucigenic weed without biological engineering!!
  • Because our “model for life” has many curves Because we wear sandals without socks
  • Because we get paid on Friday and we end up owing money by Monday morning
  • Because we gave the oath “freedom or death”
  • Because we have a small, poor country full of people with big hearts.

You Know You’re An American Married To A Greek…

1. At Easter you have ever taken a ride out to a farm and come home with a dead lamb, including its intestines in a bucket.

2. At Easter you have ever lifted the lid to the pot boiling on the stove and seen something looking back at you (head of the lamb).

3. At Easter you have been made fun of because you won’t eat the soup.

4. You have ever had to pick-up your in-laws from the airport with more than one car because all their luggage wouldn’t fit into one.

5. Your father-in-law has ever tried to negotiate the purchase of a new car for you.

6. You are the only one in church without black hair, and wearing a brown suit.

7. They never give you the hanky and ask you to lead the line at Church dances.

8. The taste of Ouzo makes you ill.

9. You have ever come home from the store with the wrong Feta.

10. You hate the Turks but not sure why.

11. Your in-laws can’t understand why you would want to vacation somewhere other than Greece.

12. Half the pictures hanging in your house are religious icons.

13. You have ever been lectured on the importance of olive oil and medicinal effects of lemon.

14. While sitting at the dinner table your in-laws have ever made fun of “hillbilly” Americans all the while they tear apart their bread and dunk it in the “community” salad bowl with their fingers.

15. You have ever been chastised by your in-laws for voting Republican.

16. Your wife’s relatives in Greece have ever made fun of your bathing suit, while all the Greek men on the beach walk around with everything hanging out of a thong or Speedo.

17. A Greek Priest has ever called you by your baptismal name in front of your confused biological parents.

18. You have ever had to dry clean your suit after Easter services to remove the wax stains.

19. You have ever wondered if your spouse’s grandparents were nymphomaniacs because she/he refers to everyone as Thea or Theo.

20. You have ever wondered what the difference is between an engagement party and a wedding shower.

21. You have ever wondered why your mother-in-law’s dinner salads never has any lettuce in them.

22. You have ever wanted to do physical harm to the bouzouki or clarinet player in the band.

23. You have ever had to utter the phrase, “I want the fresh filo, please.”

24. While traveling in Greece with your in-laws, they have ever had to explain your behavior by saying, “einai Americanos,” or “that’s how they do things in America.”

25. The first time you heard the chanter in church you thought someone was having a kidney stone attack.

You Know You’re Greek 2

1. You make frappe before leaving home, when getting to the office,
after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the
guests leave and before going to bed.

2. When shops have a sale they call your mom.

3. You still have clothes that you used to wear when you were five stored in
suitcases.

4. You call an older person you’ve never met before “Thio”
(Uncle:father’s side) or “Thia” (Uncle: Mother’s side) .

5. You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they
know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.

6. You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the
excess baggage you’ve got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.

7. When you arrive home you find 20 people waiting for you at the
airport.

8. Every summer you must go to your village.

9. Every time you go to your village, you meet relatives you never
new they existed, and they look nothing like your family.

10. You look for universities as far away from home as possible, or as close to home as possible.

11. You always curse at Greeks and then when you travel to Europe or
the States you only make Greek friends.

12. When you come back from college you still have to live with
your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left
them before.

13. Your relatives alone could populate a small city.

14. Everyone is a family friend.

15. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

16. You teach Europeans/Americans swear words in your language.

17. When you go on a date you start thinking of places that you never
thought of before to avoid family or family friends.

18. You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with
the biggest mouth.

19. You think you are liberated when you can’t even smoke in public.

20. If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that
you are getting too old.

21. Getting married becomes the only way you could escape your
parents.

22. You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you
can’t stay out past midnight.

23. You always say “Open the light” instead of “Turn on the light”.

24. You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how
he had to walk miles just to get to school with no shoes.

25. Your parents were ranked the first in school. (…or so they
claim)

26. Your parents call you on the way home from the airport after dropping them off ONLY to tell you to go home & return with a duffle bag because their suitcase is tooooo heavy

You Know You’re Greek When…

1) You’re 5’4″, can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.

2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a ’76 Monte Carlo.

3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.

4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

5) You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him.

6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law’s brother-in-law.

7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.

8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your “Just Do Me” tank top to Wasaga.

9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.

11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of “professor” among your aunts.

12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his mother had an affair.

14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.

16) At some point in your life, you waited tables.

17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say “Embros” when answering the phone.

18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year’s Eve.

19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, “what church do you go to”?

20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for every ailment under the sun.

21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.

22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell you, “katse kala” in public.

23) You have been hit with a “pandofla” or a “koutala” or a “lourithi”.

24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko without music.

25) You or a family member have been photographed with a donkey.

26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or in-laws.

27) You have at least 5 Maria’s, 9 Dimitri’s, 5 Niko’s, 6 George’s and 4 Yanni’s in the family.

28) You have ever heard the phrase, “Sto leo yia to kalo sou”.

29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street or store or tv show because they couldn’t remember it or pronounce it.

30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they’re from.

31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.

32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher even though you’re 30 yrs old.

33) You have been spanked by your friend’s parents because your parents gave them permission to.

34) You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.

35) You know what a “komboloi” is.

36) You know how to work a “komboloi”.

37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to sit on someone’s lap in the front or back seat.

38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the “mavro pontiki” when you were little.

39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.

40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store does not sell goats.

41) You can’t understand why McDonald’s rejected your idea for the “McFeta” Burger.

42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!

43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.

44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb roaster in your backyard.

45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth ball smelling coat pockets.

46) At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the marriage will last.

47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing machine), bassi (bus).

48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you karpouzi.

49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle.

50) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to have it legally.

51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.

52) You’ve been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.

Do you know any great Greek jokes we don’t have listed here? Feel free to email with your joke and if it makes us laugh we will add it here!

one + = 7

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