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Greek Jokes
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Slap
in the Dark!
A
Greek man, an Albanian man, a Swedish girl and an old
Italian woman are traveling on a train that has just
entered a dark tunnel. Suddenly they hear a loud slap,
and when the train emerges, the Albanian man has a red
hand print on his cheek.
He must have groped
the Swedish girl, and she slapped him, the Italian
woman thinks.
He tried to grope
me but fondled the old lady instead, and she slapped
him, the Swedish girl decides.
The Greek guy must
have groped the blonde, and she slapped me by accident,
the Albanian determines.
I can't wait for another
tunnel, the Greek man thinks, so I can smack
that Albanian again! |
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| How
To Raise A Greek Daughter
1. Never let your daughters spend the
night anywhere, except at a fellow Greek's house.
2. Spend their whole life trying to
find them a husband and disapproving of every one they
find on their own.
3. Spoil them rotten, but make them
feel guilty for it when they ask for something.
4. Fathers - tell them their just like
their mothers when you're mad. Mothers- tell them they
have their father's head when you're mad.
5. Always compare them to other greek
girls (preferably those they can't stand) when trying
to make them do something.
6. Complain that their clothes are too
short, too tight, too low cut, too black, too cheap,
or not right for church.
7. Brag to your friends about how beautiful
and smart they are, but tell them to make their sons
to stay away.
8. Press for them to marry a greek man,
but then ward them off any Greek man you see them with.
"He's okay, but his mother is crazy." "His
father cleans up goat shit." "I heard his
has a big house but he locks his yiayia downstairs,
do you want to marry someone like that?" "No
policemen."
9. Tell them they eat too much or not
enough, depending on the situation.
10. Let them run around naked as children,
but make them dress like nuns as adults.
11. Complain they spend too much money
shopping, and then go out and blow $1000 on a poker
game or gambling.
12. Tell them they never keep their
car clean enough, even if your vehicle is covered in
dust, reeks of smoke, and has empty coffee cups and
food crumbs covering the inside.
13. Force them to be nice to people
they can't stand, while you talk about those same people
like they are dogs.
14. Have a fit when they use the word
'malaka', but use it yourself as if it were going out
of style.
15. Let their brothers get away with
murder.
16. Embarrass them by getting drunk
at name days, Easter, festivals, etc, and then dancing
the zembekeiko.
17. Assign a name to all their friends,
and use them at inappropriate occasions (i.e. the mavra,
the fat one, the ugly one, the dumb one, the slut, the
chinese one)
18. Never let them leave the house after
10 O'clock.
19. Force them to go to church, join
GOYA, dance in the festival.
20. Tell them "good greek girls
don't behave that way" as many times as possible
within a lifetime.
21. Buy them gold jewelry even when
you know they only wear silver.
22. Fathers - always leave your shirt
unbuttoned at least 3 buttons, exposing chest hair and
gold cross, when going anywhere with your daughters.
23. Expect them to know all of the Greek
dances - except for the tsiftetelli.
24. Make them believe that Greek women
never have sex.
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| Why
we're proud to be Greek
- Because we are European Champions
in football
- Because we buy whole watermelons and not in slices
- Because we buy whole lambs and not in pieces
- Because nights in Greece finish in the morning
- Because we take our coffee slowly, while smoking and
not in "shots"
- Because flirting is our national hobby
- Because sex is our national sport
- Because we always moan about the public sector and
everyone seeks to get a job in it
- Because we are not puritans
- Because we are not racists
- Because we go out almost every night even if we are
penniless
- Because we know how to spend better that we know how
to save
- Because we never visit others empty handed
- Because there is no way to explain to foreigners what
is "kapsoura" (burning desire for someone)
- Because in Greece family is still something valuable
- Because we do not share the petrol with those we take
in our cars
- Because we always make it, albeit in the last moment
- Because for the sake of a woman we made war for 10
years (Trojan war)
- Because we are everywhere around the planet Because
we love and hate with passion
- Because "filotimo" (friend of honor, helping
someone because it is a shame not to) doesn't exist
in any other languages
- Because whenever foreigners cannot find a word, they
use one of ours
- Because we spend our bad and low times with our friends
and family not with shrinks
- Because Socrates, Pluto and Aristotle were Greek
- Because we invented theatre Because we gave birth
to Democracy
- Because we discovered logic Because we jump started
science
- Because we are proud of our culture, not of our wars
- Because when others were discovering meat, we already
had cholesterol
- Because when we were building the Parthenon, the others
were still sleeping on trees
- Because we gave the light to all these leaders who
are "striving" for peace by making wars
- Because we can give anything up just to make love
- Because Hundreds of women travel to Greece every summer
just to get laid
- Because we have a distinction between Eros (falling
in love) & Agapi (innocent love), while we feel
both passionately
- Because Eros was a Greek God
- Because when others used to! be clothed with wolf
skin we were weaving see-through linen
- Because "Greeks do not fight as heroes, heroes
fight like Greeks" (Winston Churchill, 1941)
- Because we don't use ketchup with our food - it tastes
good anyway
- Because we gave our ancient alphabet to the Romans
and our Medieval alphabet to the Slavs
- Because we get angry quickly but we forget all about
it even quicker
- Because we are not ashamed to cry
- Because we dance when we are sad
- Because we work to live and we do not live to work
- Because 97% of the stars' names are Greek Because
although we know danger well, we dare
- Because when you shout "brother" in the
streets everyone turns around
- Because we always talk about getting in a diet after
we had our meal
- Because we speak loudly and laugh even louder
- Because we do not know what anxiety is
- Because we walk in the streets at 2:00 in the morning
and there are traffic jams
- Because we walk in the streets at 4:00 in the morning
and there are traffic jams
- Because girls are not scared to walk alone in the
streets at 2:00 or 4:00 o'clock in the morning
- Because we are direct Because we never report people
who cheat
- Because we always have a solution to problems, even
if usually ends up illegal
- Because we have tendencies to extremity
- Because our parents do not forget that we exist when
we reach 18
- Because when we want to sunbathe, we go to the beach,
we don't crawl on grass or jump into fountains
- Because we confront every difficulty with humor
- Because the Olympic games were born here
- Because with our (Olympic) light, we unite the world
and pass the message of peace
- Because our sky is blue, not gray
- Because we have the cleanest seas on the planet
- Because 40% of Oxford dictionary is made up with Greek
words
- Because we are a poor country with very rich citizens
- Because we know what "Kefi" (propensity
to fun) means
- Because we like to spend money and eat fish while
they are still fresh
- Because in Greece nobody is hungry Because in Greece
nobody is homeless
- Because we grow hallucigenic weed without biological
engineering!!
- Because our "model for life" has many curves
Because we wear sandals without socks
- Because we get paid on Friday and we end up owing
money by Monday morning
- Because we gave the oath "freedom or death"
- Because we have a small, poor country full of people
with big hearts.
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| Greek
Divorce
The Greek father calls his son a couple
of days before Christmas and says, "Niko, I hate
to ruin your day, but I must tell you that your mother
and I are divorcing - forty-five years of misery is
enough."
"Mba mba, what are you talking
about?" Niko screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,
We're sick of
each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister Toula and let her know."
Frantic, the son calls Toula, who explodes
on the phone."No way are my loving parents getting
divorced!" she shouts.
She calls Dad immediately and screams
- - "Patera, you are not getting divorced! Don't
do anything until we get there. I'm calling Niko back
and we'll be there tomorrow. Do you hear me?" and
hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns
to his wife. "Endaxi,"
he says,"they're coming home for Christmas and
paying their own way."
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| Greek-a-LISH
Converted from English, to Greek-a-lish
to Greek
1) No worries... noworis... kanena provlima
2) Hello... allaou... yia
3) I don't know... eyerono... Pou thes
na xero?
4) That's all right... tsorait... kala
5) Yes... mmm... ame
6) No... mm mm ... tsou/oxi re pousti
7) excuse me... eyyyyyyy... re malaka
8) what's the time please... otsi taim...
mazi to exoume to roloi
9) Could I have a glass or water please...
wun wota plis... ena nero grigora
10) Could you tell me when the next
bus is due?... when caming next bus... miazo yia othigo?
11) Oh blast!... fukyen shit... gamimenoooo
12) Oh well... awell... den gamiete
13) You're very beautiful... yiou very
sexy... ise mounara
14) Would you like to come in for coffee?...
yiou fukoffi... ela, pame gia tsimboukia
15) You awful woman... fukyen bits...
kariola
16) You're late... cuman, otsi taim...
pou ise re pousti
17) Thank you... thengiou... (No translation
found)
18) I'm sorry... skiuped... stravomara
19) You idiot... blar ry inthies...
kimismeno
20) I love beautiful woman... be youri
ful ngel... m'aresi na gamao
21) You are a disgrace... I kill you...
gamiese apo ton ngolo
22) Where are you?... where you are...
pou gamiese
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| Three
Greeks and Three Turks
Three Greeks, Costa, George and Niko
as well as three Turks, Melik, Alican and Bora are travelling
by train to a conference. At the station, the Turks
each buy one ticket and watch as the Greeks buy only
a single ticket. "How are three people going to
travel on only one ticket?" asks Melik. "Watch
and you'll see," answers Costa. They all board
the train. The Turks take their respective seats but
all three Greeks cram into a restroom and close the
door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed,
the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks
on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges
with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves
on.
The Turks saw this and agreed it was
quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Turks
decide to copy the Greeks on the return trip and save
some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket
for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Greeks
don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to
travel without a ticket?" says Alican. "Watch
and you'll see," answers Niko.
When they board the train the 3 Turks
cram into a restroom and the 3 Greeks cram into another
one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one
of the Greeks leaves his restroom and walks over to
the restroom where the Turks are hiding. He knocks on
the door and says, "Ticket, please."
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| Olympics
2004
1.Cigarette chain smoking marathon
First person to cough up a lung wins!
2.Gathering olives from trees
The Spaniards reckon they can take the Greeks on this
one.
3.Long distance spitting
Ftou!
4.Nastiest armpit smell
This event takes place on any Bus in central Athens
5.Thickest moustaki!
Females are welcome to compete too
6.Goat herders' relay
Bulgaria were disqualified last year because they lost
their bell.
7.Tavli
Ask for Kostaki at the kafeneio and don't eat the sporia
8.Komboloi (worry beads) toss
Both distance and accuracy count for points, double
points if you get it
stuck in the klimataria
9.Longest duration wearing the same
piece of clothing. Qualfiers for this event go straight
into the final round for event 4
10.Papaki (small motorbike) race to
the beach
10 bonus points if you knock over a German backpacker
11.The evil eye stare-down competition
Free xematiasma for anybody who arrives before 10pm
12.Beriba/Xeri playing
Bonus points if you slam the cards down so hard you
knock over the bowl of
xerous karpous.
13.Frappe
drinking
Bonus points available if you can still look tough and
macho with a frappé
in your hand.
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You
Know You're Greek When...
1) You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice
a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank,
but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.
3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no
money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.
4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and
travel agent are all blood relatives.
5) You have a relative that has done something that required
the IRS to threaten him.
6) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's
brother-in-law.
7) You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance
clubs.
8) Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress
the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top to Wasaga.
9) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
10) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
11) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college
has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
12) You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet
hall owners.
13) If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is
presumed his mother had an affair.
14) There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
15) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.
16) At some point in your life, you waited tables.
17) 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say
"Embros" when answering the phone.
18) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family
at 12 midnight on New Year's Eve.
19) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions
is, "what church do you go to"?
20) Your grandmother/mother/aunt has a miracle cure for
every ailment under the sun.
21) You can name any or all of the gods on Mount Olympus.
22) Your mother or father still feel the need to tell
you, "katse kala" in public.
23) You have been hit with a "pandofla" or a "koutala"
or a "lourithi".
24) You can dance the kalamatiano, tsamiko or zebekiko
without music.
25) You or a family member have been photographed with
a donkey.
26) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents,
or in-laws.
27) You have at least 5 Maria's, 9 Dimitri's, 5 Niko's,
6 George's and 4 Yanni's in the family.
28) You have ever heard the phrase, "Sto leo yia to kalo
sou".
29) Your parents have ever made up the name of a street
or store or tv show because they couldn't remember it
or pronounce it.
30) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what
village they're from.
31) You have ever been threatened by a Greek School Teacher.
32) You still get threatened by a Greek School Teacher
even though you're 30 yrs old.
33) You have been spanked by your friend's parents because
your parents gave them permission to.
34) You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now.
35) You know what a "komboloi" is.
36) You know how to work a "komboloi".
37) When you were younger and going on car trips you always
had to sit on someone's lap in the front or back seat.
38) You were ever threatened to be eaten by the "mavro
pontiki" when you were little.
39) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of
restaurant.
40) You are surprised to learn that the local pet store
does not sell goats.
41) You can't understand why McDonald's rejected your
idea for the "McFeta" Burger.
42) Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse!
43) You eat Vanilla with a spoon from the jar.
44) You have at least 2 kitchens in your house and a lamb
roaster in your backyard.
45) Your parents keep the unclaimed $$$$$ in old moth
ball smelling coat pockets.
46) At Weddings the karta (card) is determined on the
amount of food, the type of band, if the couple is Greek
and whether you are convinced the marriage will last.
47) You make up your own Greco-American language :For
e.g. Carro (car), Moovare (move), Wassemassini (washing
machine), bassi (bus).
48) You can always go to yiayia or papou to curse out
your parents and all they do is soothe you and feed you
karpouzi.
49) You have been given the evil eye by your mother in
public and/or the biting of the forefinger knuckle.
50) You were the first one to get cable on your block,
but the last to have it legally.
51) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because
you wind up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.
52) You've been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores because
they expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax
if they pay in cash. |
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Greek
To English Dictionary...
SAY IT IN
Proper English... Greek English... Greek
1) No worries... noworis... kanena provlima
2) Hello... allaou... yia
3) I don't know... eyerono... Pou thes na xero?
4) That's all right... tsorait... kala
5) Yes... mmm... ame
6) No... mm mm ... tsou/oxi re pousti
7) excuse me... eyyyyyyy... re malaka
8) what's the time please... otsi taim... mazi to exoume
to roloi
9) Could I have a glass or water please... wun wota plis...
ena nero grigora
10) Could you tell me when the next bus is due?... when
caming next bus... miazo yia othigo?
11) Oh blast!... fukyen shit... gamimenoooo
12) Oh well... awell... den gamiete
13) You're very beautiful... yiou very sexy... ise mounara
14) Would you like to come in for coffee?... yiou fukoffi...
ela, pame gia tsimboukia
15) You awful woman... fukyen bits... kariola
16) You're late... cuman, otsi taim... pou ise re pousti
17) Thank you... thengiou... (No translation found)
18) I'm sorry... skiuped... stravomara
19) You idiot... blar ry inthies... kimismeno
20) I love beautiful woman... be youri ful ngel... m'aresi
na gamao
21) You are a disgrace... I kill you... gamiese apo ton
ngolo
22) Where are you?... where you are... pou gamiese |
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3
Greeks & 3 Turks...
3 Greeks and 3 Turks are travelling by train to a
conference. At the station, the 3 Turks each buy tickets
and watch as the 3 Greeks buy only a single ticket. "How
are 3 people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
one Turk. "Watch and you'll see," answers one Greek. They
all board the train. The Turks take their respective seats
but all three Greeks cram into a restroom and close the
door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed,
the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks
on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door
opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Turks
saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after
the conference, the Turks decide to copy the Greeks on
the return trip and save some money (being clever with
money, and all that). When they get to the station, they
buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment,
the Greeks don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going
to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Turk.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a Greek. When they board
the train the 3 Turks cram into a restroom and the 3 Greeks
cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the Greeks leaves his restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the Turks are hiding. He knocks
on the door and says, "Ticket, please." |
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You
KnowYou're An American Married To A Greek...
1. At Easter you have ever taken a ride out to a farm
and come home with a dead lamb, including its intestines
in a bucket.
2. At Easter you have ever lifted the lid to the pot boiling
on the stove and seen something looking back at you (head
of the lamb).
3. At Easter you have been made fun of because you won't
eat the soup.
4. You have ever had to pick-up your in-laws from the
airport with more than one car because all their luggage
wouldn't fit into one.
5. Your father-in-law has ever tried to negotiate the
purchase of a new car for you.
6. You are the only one in church without black hair,
and wearing a brown suit.
7. They never give you the hanky and ask you to lead the
line at Church dances.
8. The taste of Ouzo makes you ill.
9. You have ever come home from the store with the wrong
Feta.
10. You hate the Turks but not sure why.
11. Your in-laws can't understand why you would want to
vacation somewhere other than Greece.
12. Half the pictures hanging in your house are religious
icons.
13. You have ever been lectured on the importance of olive
oil and medicinal effects of lemon.
14. While sitting at the dinner table your in-laws have
ever made fun of "hillbilly" Americans all the while they
tear apart their bread and dunk it in the "community"
salad bowl with their fingers.
15. You have ever been chastised by your in-laws for voting
Republican.
16. Your wife's relatives in Greece have ever made fun
of your bathing suit, while all the Greek men on the beach
walk around with everything hanging out of a thong or
Speedo.
17. A Greek Priest has ever called you by your baptismal
name in front of your confused biological parents.
18. You have ever had to dry clean your suit after Easter
services to remove the wax stains.
19. You have ever wondered if your spouse's grandparents
were nymphomaniacs because she/he refers to everyone as
Thea or Theo.
20. You have ever wondered what the difference is between
an engagement party and a wedding shower.
21. You have ever wondered why your mother-in-law's dinner
salads never has any lettuce in them.
22. You have ever wanted to do physical harm to the bouzouki
or clarinet player in the band.
23. You have ever had to utter the phrase, "I want the
fresh filo, please."
24. While traveling in Greece with your in-laws, they
have ever had to explain your behavior by saying, "einai
Americanos," or "that's how they do things in America."
25. The first time you heard the chanter in church you
thought someone was having a kidney stone attack. |
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A
Greek, A Turk And 2 Women Are On A Train...
In a train carriage there were a Greek man, a Turkish
man, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful
looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the
train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable
sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel,
the Turkish man had a big red slap mark on his cheek.
(1) The blonde thought: - "That Turkish idiot wanted to
touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on
the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face".
(2) The fat lady thought: - "This dirty old Turkish man
laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him". (3)
The Turkish man thought: - "That stupid Greek man put
his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".
(4) The Greek man thought: - "I hope there's another tunnel
soon so I can smack that Turko again". |
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Top
20 Reasons This Holiday Will Be Good...
20) new, fat free, cholesterol free, tsourekia
19) xristodoulos will be carding at your local bars
18) olympiakos, and panathinaikos, look good together
17) being drunk and singing in the street is normal.
16) try roasting whole chestnuts (kastana) in microwave
15) nightclubs will be full of greek women with stupid
little bags on their backs
14) nightclubs will be full of greek men looking to bump
frontal pelvic region into backsides of women with little
stupid bags
13) aunt maria has new cheap-ass perfume and will make
you so dizzy you will pass out.
12) basilopita depreciation has led to itcontaining euro
coins
11) you will repeat; your education, carreer status, financial
position, love life, over, and over, and over……(and you
will twist the truth slightly, just to piss off some over
imposing, nosy bitch of a relative)
10) receiving gifts like "underwear", "shampoo" and "socks"
from complete strangers is normal
9) you will realize this year that there is a correlation
between how much money "santa" spends and the amount of
"playtime" he gets from mrs claus. (so if you want to
hoho ho…….spend that dough)
8) it is the only time of the year you get to hug and
kiss all the women around without getting slapped in the
face
7) christmas tree lights, wrapping gifts, santa claus,
blonde snow bunnies, metaxa 5*, 7*, 9*, (911)
6) in america you will eat galopoula, in greece arni,
and in australia….steve the crock hunter sets out for
catching another womper….
5) see you next year, ok, see you next year, yeah ok,
see you next year….. oh yeah, i am not gonna see you till
next year
4) you will go out to the villages, sit in traffic, drive
like an impatient asshole and cause many accidents. (watch
ant1)
3) matiazma will reach epidemic proportions, with no vaccine
except for, ftousou, gggfftttouuu, na mis mas xathis.
2) your parents will circulate pictures of your childhood,
including the one with you shitting in public
1) annual poker game, may cause you to jump out the window |
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The
Official Greek Handbook...
How to be a cool Greek
1. wear clothes of 2 colors, black and white.
2. own a cell phone and use it in at inapropriate times-
in church, restaurant, funeral, wedding etc.
3. refer to anyone who's not Greek disparingly as "xeni"
and pity them for not being as cultures and sophisticated
as the greeks.
4. have predominantly Greek friends, with a few token
"xeni" thrown in for diversity. talk greek when "xeni"
are aound
5. dress as though you are headed for a club when you're
actually going to work or class.
6. if you are a Greek woman, stare menacingly at the other
women around you, especially if there richer or more attractive
than you.
7. if you are a Greek guy, be sure not to bathe to achieve
an "earthy" scent, then try to mask it with a lot of cologne;
the combination drives babes wild.
8. smoke as if is your last day on earth…and smoke only
malboros.
9. travel only in droves of 10 or more , and be as loud
as possible at all times.
10. if you're single, go to all Greek intercollegiate
parties and all GOYA conferences, even if you're 45 years
old.
11. if you're a single Greek over 30, rell everyone you're
in your 20's, even if you're pushing 50.
12. if you're a single Greek gut, tell women you're a
"successful businessman" or that you "own a successful
business back in greece" even if you're an unemployed
goat farmer.
13. dirty dance to Greek folk music.
14. wear only "designer" labels, even if you buy them
off a cart on a sidewalk in Manhattan.
15. make sure "designer" lables are extremely visible,
preferably embroided on the front of the apparel.
16. if you are a Greek guy, walk 10 feet in front of your
woman and call her only when you want sex, then go into
a deep depression and lament "theft" of your woman when
she dumps you for another guy.
17. if you're a Greek guy, be indifferent and rude to
any woman you're interested in dating, especially if she's
Greek.
18. if you're a Greek guy, date "xenes" that treat you
badly but marry a Greek woman that can treat you badly.
19. if you're a Greek woman, date "xeni" you can treat
badly but marry a Greek guy that treats you badly.
20. wear a leather jacket at all times… even in the summer.
21. tell American aquantances that money is never an object,
even if you only have 10 bucks to your name.
22. guys: if you have hair, get it cut every week and
use at least 3 different styling products; if you're bald,
develop a big ego to mask your insecurity. (applicable
to short men)
23. make sure you install every possible option in your
car, even if it is a Yugo.
24. own a sports car, even if its junk.
25. claim to be a devout Orthodox Christian but know nothing
about the religion other than the date of your name day.
26. use church as social ground to meet potential dates.
27. if you are a Greek woman, dye your hair an obvious
fake shade of blonde that is nonexistant in nature and
swear that it's natural.
28. if you are a Greek american, act like your father
was royalty back in Greece but fell into hard times after
the 1973 coup.
29. pump Greek music in the hood. |
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How
To Raise A Greek Daughter...
1. Never let your daughters spend the night anywhere,
except at a fellow Greek's house.
2. Spend their whole life trying to find them a husband
and disapproving of every one they find on their own.
3. Spoil them rotten, but make them feel guilty for it
when they ask for something.
4. Fathers - tell them their just like their mothers when
you're mad. Mothers- tell them they have their father's
head when you're mad.
5. Always compare them to other greek girls (preferably
those they can't stand) when trying to make them do something.
6. Complain that their clothes are too short, too tight,
too low cut, too black, too cheap, or not right for church.
7. Brag to your friends about how beautiful and smart
they are, but tell them to make their sons to stay away.
8. Press for them to marry a greek man, but then ward
them off any Greek man you see them with. "He's okay,
but his mother is crazy." "His father cleans up goat shit."
"I heard his has a big house but he locks his yiayia downstairs,
do you want to marry someone like that?" "No policemen."
9. Tell them they eat too much or not enough, depending
on the situation.
10. Let them run around naked as children, but make them
dress like nuns as adults.
11. Complain they spend too much money shopping, and then
go out and blow $1000 on a poker game or gambling.
12. Tell them they never keep their car clean enough,
even if your vehicle is covered in dust, reeks of smoke,
and has empty coffee cups and food crumbs covering the
inside.
13. Force them to be nice to people they can't stand,
while you talk about those same people like they are dogs.
14. Have a fit when they use the word 'malaka', but use
it yourself as if it were going out of style.
15. Let their brothers get away with murder.
16. Embarass them by getting drunk at name days, Easter,
festivals, etc, and then dancing the zembekeiko.
17. Assign a name to all their friends, and use them at
inappropriate occasions (i.e. the mavra, the fat one,
the ugly one, the dumb one, the slut, the chinese one)
18. Never let them leave the house after 10 O'clock.
19. Force them to go to church, join GOYA, dance in the
festival.
20. Tell them "good greek girls don't behave that way"
as many times as possible within a lifetime.
21. Buy them gold jewelry even when you know they only
wear silver.
22. Fathers - always leave your shirt unbuttoned at least
3 buttons, exposing chest hair and gold cross, when going
anywhere with your daughters.
23. Expect them to know all of the Greek dances - except
for the tsiftetelli.
24. Make them believe that Greek women never have sex. |
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Top
10 Reasons Not To Marry Greek...
Women: Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Marry a Greek
Male
1. Two words - His Mother.
2. Housework and birthing his children isn't your life
ambition.
3. Sometimes you want to have an opinion about something.
4. You hate his mother's cooking, and that's all he'll
eat.
5. His brother/cousin/friend/uncle has the hots for you.
6. Spending your wedding night alone while he plays poker
isn't your idea of fun.
7. Your nostrils can't take the amount of cologne he "splashes"
on.
8. You thought "Greek Style" was how green beans and chicken
was cooked.
9. Looking at other men isn't allowed, but he can look
at other women.
10. He picks his nose in public.
Men: Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Marry a Greek
Woman
1. One word - "Babaaaaa!" (accompanied by crying)
2. She can't cook like your mother.
3. Having your children and cleaning your house isn't
fun for her...go figure!
4. The incessant whining of her voice drives you crazy.
5. She always has an opinion about everything.
6. You can't have sex with her until she's married, but
find out after that she's slept with your brother and
cousin and uncle and friends.
7. One more word - Nagging.
8. Buying new living room furniture every six months isn't
how you want to spend your money.
9. She thinks "Greek Style" is how you cook green beans
and chicken.
10. She won't let you show her what "Greek Style" really
is. |
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An
Old Drunk Greek Man Walks In A Bar...
2 guys are at a bar drinking when an old man stumbles
in, obviously drunk. He sits next to the men and says
to them, "ti mana sou, tin exo gammisi". The men noticing
he is drunk, ignore him and continue their conversation.
The drunk interupts them again and says, "ti mana sou,
mou exei dosi pipa". The 2 men still ignore the old man
when he again interupts the men and this time says, "ti
mana sou, tin exo pari ap'to kolo". With this, one of
the young men gets up and walks up to the old man and
says, "patera, exeis piee ligaki, then pas spiti?" |
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"She
Wasn't Greek Enough" Song...
To the beat of Toni Braxton's "He Wasn't Man Enough
For Me
Who do you think i am
dont you know that she wont my woman
cause i chose to let her go,
not enough oregano in her kotopoulo...
She aint got no magazi
or a black infiniti
not enough prika for me
she wasnt greek enough for me
Fere ena nero
kai taise to moro
min mou kanis grinies giati
piso sti mana sou piges
ton kafe den petixeni
kai h mana tis mou mbeni
Don't wake me up in the afternoon
my siestas more important
there's still tsimbles in my mati
i'm not gonna leave my krevati
can't perform vedouzes
or masaz my large patouses
can't read her mabri mira
out of mini flitzanaki
she wasnt Greek enough for me |
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"No
FOBs" Song...
"No
FOB'' Parody of ''No Scrubs'' by TLC
A FOB is a guy who thinks he's fly
Also known as a malaka
With garlic breath and slicked back hair
He thinks that he's God's gift
So (no) I don't want to touch you (no)
your accent doesn't turn me on and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere and (no)
speedo's aren't the bomb (no)
CHORUS I don't want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can't get no feta from me
Riding on his donkey's backside
With enough olives
To feed a whole army
I don't want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can't get no feta from me
Hanging in the kafeneio
With the geraki
Playing with his kobolaki
And now a FOB is trying to chat with me
He's typing in Greek
And you know that's really annoying
With the "Ti kaneis koukla;" and "Ti foras";
He's trying to get a piece of online ass
So (no) I don't want to touch you (no)
your accent doesn't turn me on and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere and (no)
speedo's aren't the bomb (no)
CHORUS I don't want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can't get no feta from me
Riding on his donkey's backside
With enough olives
To feed a whole army
I don't want no FOB
A FOB is a guy that can't get no feta from me
Hanging in the kafeneio
With the geraki
Playing with his kobolaki
If you have a donkey, start walking
Oh yes FOB, I'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your provata
Oh yes FOB, I'm talking to you
If you have a kefalotiri but you don't make saganaki
Oh yes FOB, I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me, while you're a sleeze
Oh no I don't want no (oh)
No FOB No FOB (no no) No FOB (no no no no no)
No FOB (no no) No |
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